12.27.2011

I am right at the heart of a 13 day straight stint at work. I am pretty tired, but pressing on. Holidays are tough for resort employees, and, right now, I am feeling the blow. It is tough, but there is money coming in, which is a really good thing, and it isn’t like I can’t complain about the work too much. I mean, I get to go out and ride my snowboard all day, that isn’t a bad thing. My only work related complaint is our class sizes. Teaching 10 first-timers how to ride is bad for the people taking the lesson and equally bad for the instructors. Everyone would have a better experience if we could trim those down a bit.

Christmas came and went. I stayed busy, so it wasn’t horrible, but I did find myself missing home quite a bit. My family is really great and I really value being able to spend time with them. I don’t know if I can do Christmas away from home every year.

We still haven’t gotten any snow, but I am really not that upset about it. As much as I would like some good powder riding, I am a park rider at heart, and the minimal park northstar has set up is better than anything I have ever experienced. I am seriously loving it. Actually though, I haven’t even rode northstar’s park in over a week. I have been hitting up boreal after work though, and I really like it. The features are all huge, but that is good for me. I need to be forced out of my comfort zone sometime.

The people out here are interesting. I am meeting a lot of different people with different life stories which is really interesting and I am almost never alone, but it is difficult because everyone just likes to party so much. It is hard being the kid that just wants to go home and play silly games and go on sober adventures with people out here. I haven’t really found that community I desire yet, which kind-of bums me out.

I guess though, having said all of this, things are going well. I am still enjoying my time and getting this whole ski-bum thing out of my system. I don’t know if I can do this forever, only time will tell, but I can say that I will enjoy it while it is happening. I am trying (unsuccessfully) to not think too much about the future, and to just enjoy life in the moment. If I only take one life lesson from this adventure, I want it to be that; to just enjoy life now.

Living.

“What if, you know, what if we just give in to it, and say this is what (life) is, then it gets good, and its fighting it that makes it so bad.” – Through Painted Deserts (Donald Miller).

Donald Miller’s books never cease to blow my mind. I always feel like they are written just for me, and I seem to always read them at the perfect time.

I’ve been thinking about life a lot lately. Life and happiness, and what it means to be happy in this life. I feel like I am in a constant pursuit of happiness, which I don’t feel is uncommon. Every decision I make is in hopes that I can finally find the life that makes me happy. As it turns out, I am a hard person to please. My lifestyle is really good. I travel to cool places, only work jobs that I am passionate about, and spend a lot more time doing things I love than doing things I don’t love. I have made drastic decisions for no other reason than to cut out things from my life that make me unhappy. Dropping out of school and moving to the mountains isn’t something that was a necessarily safe move, but it was one I felt like I had to do. All of these decisions and movements in my life to pursue happiness have led me to where I am now, and things are, all in all, going pretty well for me. I am pretty happy. I may even be happier than most. Still, however, I live with this constant and unavoidable feeling of wanting something more. I live with this feeling that I am still not doing it right. I am still constantly stressed financially, I still don’t really like having to get up early and go to work, I desire a strong community, and I miss things from back home. I still wonder what I am doing wrong. And it is when I worry about these things that I start trying to create these elaborate plans to fix everything in my life. I am obsessed with 5-year plans. I think less about how great the day that I am currently living is than I do about what I want to be doing 365 days from now. I can’t enjoy my life the way I truly desire to, because I am too focused on improving these small little details. I get told by many people that I am spontaneous, but, in all honesty, I couldn’t live in the moment if my life depended on it. And, really, my life does depend on it.

“I don’t want to think about life anymore, I just want to live it.” (Ibid)

I want to live and to love, and I want nothing more. I don’t want to worry, I don’t want to stress, I don’t want to know what I am doing tomorrow, and I want, more than anything, to be ok with that. I want to be able to wake up, look outside my window, and be truly thankful to be alive, truly thankful and truly happy with the life I am living. It shouldn’t matter if I have $2 or $2000 in my bank account, it shouldn’t matter if I know what I am doing next week Wednesday; all that should matter is that I am alive.

So, with all that being said, in the coming months and years I hope to make decisions that some may not understand, some that may turn out to be huge mistakes, some that put a smile on my face. I don’t know what these will look like, I don’t want to know, but I am hopefully taking strides to destroy these five year plans. Taking strides to live in the moment and enjoy the day, and to not worry about tomorrow. There are too many unhappy people in this world; I don’t want to be another one.

11/29/11

Today was a really good day. I didn’t go up the mountain; instead, I decided to sleep in. It was the first time I have slept in since I moved out here and it was really necessary. I went down to the skate park and cruised around there for a bit. Snowboarding stresses me out, but skateboarding centers me. I put too much pressure on myself to be good at snowboarding, but skateboarding is still really pure for me. It is just fun. It was also nice to be away from snowboarders and around skateboarders for the day. They really are a different breed. It has been really warm here all week, so I was able to come home and just sit on my deck for a couple hours and read. So good, so perfect, really. Now I am just feeling good. Everything is good.

I finished up training this week and got to teach my first lesson on Saturday. Because of the warm weather, ski school has been pretty slow, and it has been difficult for me to get work, but I am going to continue to bother people until I finally get on the schedule full time. Other than that I have just been doing a lot of riding. It has all been pretty great. I need to start making some money soon though, which is sort of stressing me out at the moment.

So yeah, I am one month in, and things are going well. I still feel like there is a lot I want to do here, and I am hoping I can get it all in. Time is flying right now. I do miss things back home, but I am trying to remind myself that I will be there soon enough, and until I get there I should ensure I have as much fun as possible.

11/22/11

 Tahoe is sick. It is probably one of the most incredible places to live in the world. The weather is perfect. 20’s at night and 40’s every day. Sunny 300 days a year. Great snow, Great Mountains. It is hard to complain. This is a really great way to live a life.

I started my training yesterday. Yesterday was more classroom type stuff, but it was still pretty interesting, but also kind-of boring. Today was on snow, so we kind-of got to explore the hills a bit. That was also fun, because it was snowboarding, and snowboarding is great, but we pretty much just stuck to green runs, which is whatever. I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I am a Vail resorts employee. It is a great company to work for, but it is still a multi-billion dollar corporation, that is solely profit motivated, and they don’t try to hide it. Some of the things said during training make me really upset, too. Like for instance, they were proud of the fact that they raised their prices to keep lower income clientele out to improve the experience for their higher income clientele. I really can’t stand behind a company that takes pride in that, but I mean, it is a really great company to be a part of. Right now, I am really conflicted on that whole issue, and I am anxious to see how I feel about it as time goes on. I am sure it will be a fine experience over all, but yeah, those weird political beliefs of mine are always standing in the way.

I really like riding at Boreal. Night riding there reminds me of being home. Small resort. Local focused. Super great vibes all the time. I wish I could just work there, but it would probably be really silly for me to move all the way out here to ride a resort smaller than Boyne. That northstar season pass is a big deal for me. And they give me a lot of money.

I don’t feel like I have much to say. This is good. All is well. I live in the mountains. I snowboard every day. Sometimes I go to Reno which is a pretty fun little city. I am meeting people, a lot of nice God believing folk who really value community. Which is nice, because I really value community, and I want to value community with them. I hope I can find some non-god believing folk who also value community, because I really like being part of those communities too. I am working on this. It is an interesting project. Making friends in a new place is an interesting experience and something that I am still trying to figure out how to do. I am going to a lot of random shows and spending a lot of time and money at that food coop. I hang out with snowboarders a lot too, which is pretty cool, but I need more in my life than snowboarders.

This is a pretty weak blog post; I am a pretty weak blogger. But yeah, this is the latest on my life. Now you know.

I moved.

I moved to the Lake Tahoe area. Specifically, Truckee, CA. It is absolutely beautiful here. The water, and the mountains, and the snow, and the rocks. It is hard to fully take in. I’ve wanted to do this for a really long time. To move to a place that is completely different from one I have ever lived in, to snowboard a lot, and maybe even to find some freedom in a lifestyle that is completely different from the one I was previously pursuing, one that is completely different from the “American dream.”



This is the lake.



Today marks my 2^nd week anniversary of being here. I flew in with my dad and had my car and my possessions shipped out to me here. I got a job as a snowboard instructor at Northstar-at-Tahoe, and moved into an apartment at the base of the mountain.

This is my apartment.

So far things have been going well, but off to a slow start. I’ve gone snowboarding quite a few times at a resort called Boreal. Their terrain park right now is better than anything I have ever ridden in Michigan and we are only a couple weeks into the season. I went to the skatepark that is 10 minutes away from my house once. It is pretty fun and flowy. I have never lived so close to a concrete skatepark, and it is going to be really nice to have around. There are a lot more nearby skateparks too that I cannot wait to check out. I’ve gone into Reno, NV a couple times (the nearest city) in search of community and friends that care about more than just snowboarding (not to say there is anything wrong with my snowboarding friends, there is just more to my life than the shred). I joined a cool food co-op in Reno. I had mixed feelings about it, but the people who run it seem rad (both meanings) and it seems like a good way to get my foot into the door of the activist community out here.

Last Friday I found this cool show space called The Holland Project and saw a ton of Reno’s finest bands play. I really enjoyed that place and plan on going back. It is weird, when you have already been established in a local music scene for so many years to move to a new city with a new scene where you don’t know anyone. All of this is a new experience for me and it is pretty fun and exciting, but also, it makes me appreciate a lot of what I had back home. A couple months ago, I pictured moving out here could be this great new start for me, where I could have the chance to get back involved in music and things I relate with my interest in music, that I had drifted so far away from back home. I still kind-of see it as that, but I didn’t think it would make me miss back home so much. I want to see familiar faces at shows, and know where to go with your friends after shows. I am sure I will develop that here, but for now it is just weird and I fear that I am not outgoing enough to really make the friends I hope to in such a short period of time.

In other news, Northstar-at-Tahoe opens Friday, and I can’t wait. It is going to be so great to ride some of the longest runs of my life which also happen to be right outside my door. What else? I cut my hair shorter. My dreads aren’t so out of control anymore.

This is me being half done.

Anything else, hmmm? Oh yeah, I like a boy. He seems to like me too, which is nice. He lives in Grand Rapids though, which is terribly inconvenient at this time. We Skype a lot, which is super uncool, but I still like it a lot. I miss him, and friends, and family, but I will be home soon, and until then I am going to try to have the best winter of my life.

This is the most recent picture of codi and I.

Artprize 2011.

It is safe to say that I know nothing about art, but it is also safe to say that I have strong opinions and that I know what I like and dislike. I believe that these personality traits make me overqualified for judging Artprize. So here it goes. I broke down the top 10, and here is who deserves to win:

(starting at the bottom)

10th Place- Rain


Ok, so maybe I just don't get it, and I am sure it took a lot of hard work and it means a lot to the artist, which is great, but to my untrained eye (which, once again, qualifies me as a judge) it just looks like a bunch of spinning paper hanging from the ceiling. Rad.

9th- "President Ford Visits Artprize."

Alright, so this one is really well done. It looks just like the guy. It is honestly art, but at the same time, it is honestly a huge gimmick. Seriously, the only people in the world who care about President Ford are people from Grand Rapids, and the artist was from freakin' Montana. I mean, maybe the artist is a huge fan, but to me it just seems like a way to pull at the heart strings of the Grand Rapids people and score some extra votes. Props on being good at what you do, but next year, create something that has meaning to you.

8th- Mantis Dreaming

Yeah, I don't really know. This one just doesn't do much for me. It is pretty cool that it is made from recycled trains or whatever, but yeah, It just doesn't stand out in my mind. That doesn't mean its not cool, there is just some heavy competition in these parts.

7th- Rusty

Probably the main reason that this one falls so far down on the list for me is that I am just really annoyed at how much everyone else seems to love it. Yeah, it is really cool, but it isn't THAT cool. Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if someone decided to trade their newborn baby in for a replica of this thing. People love it a little too much for comfort. Oh, and I was going to stop there, but no, I am going to keep going. The artist's statement leaves me super confused. Great. It is a self-portrait, what does that even mean? I doubt you look anything like this dog. AND back to annoying people, stop pointing out what it is made out of in awe, "Oh look, license plates!" GREAT! That is what art is, it is stuff that is made out of other stuff. Shut up about the dog already!

6th- Grizzlies on The Ford

At first this one ranked pretty high in the annoying gimmicky category for me, but then I realized they are chainsaw wood sculptures or whatever, and the guy was from the area. That is pretty cool. I bet it takes a lot of talent to do something like that, and it is pretty impressive that the artist was able to include so much detail. Nice work Yo, tough competition though.

5th-Crucifixion

At first my gimmick meter was going off pretty hard with this one, but then I read the description about it being actually made for a church and the artist just not having time to do something just for artprize, and that put me a little more at ease. After 2 years straight of this artist putting in immaculate glass collages, or whatever they are called, it is no secret that she is super talented. Like, look, at that thing, it is pretty rad. Unfortunately, however, I can't put my gimmick vibes completely away, and this gets stuck at 5th.

4th-Metaforest

There is a couple reasons I really like this bad boy. It is cool that it is a permanent installation, and it will be making our city look better for years to come. It was also pretty sweet that the artist enlisted the help of the students at the West Michigan Center for Arts and Technology. I guess the piece has something to do with empowering the youth through the arts too, and I really feel that the artist means it. When I went to see this piece, I watched him interacting with some rambunctious youth, and he was nothing but encouraging and inspiring to them. I think he really made those kid's days, and I am a sucker for that kind of crap.

3rd- Under Construction

I don't know why I love this so much, but I just can't help it. Every time I go near the BOB I can't stop staring at this human statue. It makes it even better that this dude is a local AND he is good at what he does. I think it is about time that we got some performance art in the top 10. What this guy is doing cannot be easy. He has been out there all day every day, making peoples day (yep, i said that). I have a feeling he would still be up there doing this every day with the same energy that he has now even if he wasn't in the top 10. Give this dude some money.

2nd- Ocean Exodus.

This is another guy who has submitted some pretty impressive crap two years in a row. This man can carve wood! This piece is smaller than last years, which will probably hurt him in the long run (which is stupid, but it is artprize), but it has some super amazing detail. This is real art. I could not ever do this crap. I like having this guy around too. This year and last year I just hovered around his work for a little bit listening to him talk. He is cool, give him some money too!

1st- The Tempest II

This thing blows my mind. It was one of the pieces that first caught my mind, even before the top 10. The picture does not do it justice but it basically all this hand cut paper that is arranged in such a way that it creates this weird multi-dimensional dream scape. It is the best. It deserves to win.

And that concludes my artprize write up. You are very welcome. And if you disagree with me, don't worry about it, I am not going to vote, because voting on art is stupid, so, when it all comes down to it, my opinion does not matter.

P.S. That dude with the magnifying class burning the wood at the BOB really deserves to win. I take back everything I said up to this point. Go watch him, it is crazy.

I am Troy Davis.

                It is official. On Wednesday, September 21^st 2011, a potentially innocent man was executed in the state of Georgia. Honestly though, at this point, the word “executed” sounds way too kind. The word “murdered” seems to me a much better fit. After all, that is all his death records reveal. The word “homicide” surely stands out more than any other word on that piece of paper, except, perhaps the name: Troy Anthony Davis. Davis was accused of killing an off-duty police officer of 20 years ago. The police officer was white, and troy, black. They may have looked different, but the cause of the death was the same: homicide. Since the murder, Troy has spent his life on death row. Four execution dates and one hell of a fight later the state finally succeeded. Troy Davis was executed four hours later than originally planned, at 11:08 PM. The Family of the slain officer looked on during the procedure hoping it would bring them some sort of peace of justice or… anything at all.
                What complicates the case is the doubt surrounding Davis’ guilt. Since the guilty verdict, 7 out of 9 witnesses have recanted their testimonies (one of which even reportedly claimed to be the actual guilty party). Members of the Jury have even stepped forward to voice their doubts surrounding Troy’s case. The case has garnered international attention, all calling for another trial.
                 Regardless of whether or not Troy is actually guilty, I am left with feelings of both deep sadness and strong anger. I wonder what went wrong to bring us to this point. To the point where we believe the best way to fight homicide is with more homicide. All we really seem to know how to do is perpetuate this violent cycle. While I understand the sadness of the family, I have to wonder what kind of people believe they will find peace only after another human being loses his life. Have we really fallen that far? Have we forgotten that inside each of us is a beating, bleeding heart? Have we forgotten that we are all created in the image of a God whose love and forgiveness for us goes beyond all understanding? Is it not much more beautiful to hear stories of redemption through forgiveness than stories of revenge through murder?
                But unfortunately it was not just the family of the officer that felt the best way to deal with their broken hearts was revenge. Today we seem to see that train of thought everywhere we look. This is the reason for these endless wars we find ourselves caught in. This is the reason neighbors don’t talk to neighbors. This is the reason kids all of the world have guns in their hands. We are trying to fill these empty spaces in our hearts with revenge, and we are drifting farther and farther away from love. We are drifting farther away from reconciliation. We are drifting farther away from peace. Our communities are falling apart and our world is full of pain and anger, and unless we can learn to forgive and love, our world will continue to crumble. This blood is on all our hands. We are all responsible, and the path to a better world starts with us. We must choose to fight evil with love, violence with forgiveness, pain with relationships, because as long as we sit by and try to find redemption in violence, we will not make it very far. We need to end this cycle.

Back Home.

Looking back on my past few posts, makes me feel like I have misrepresented my time at Woodward. I probably did more complaining than I should have. Looking back now, I honestly had a really good time. The smiles definitely outweigh the frowns. I actually had a hard time getting myself to leave on Sunday. I seriously considered just sticking around until the end of summer. I had some really good times and met a lot of really great people. The only part I honestly didn't like about camp was my job. My position required to to sit around doing nothing all day. That is like torture for me. I can't sit around, I need to move.

I don't know if I will be back again next summer, but it is definitely an option, until then we will just have to see where the wind blows me.

I am home for a week now, and I am trying to catch up with people I haven't seen in a while and do all the things I've wanted to do for a while. I am starting the process of figuring out what is next for my life and it is looking more and more like Tahoe every day. Right now I am just waiting for Northstar-at-Tahoe to start accepting instructor applications, which could determine my fate.

I go up to Springhill on Saturday and I will be there for 2 weeks. I am really looking forward to it, but I really need to find sometime to rest before I go, so I can give my cabin every little thing that I can. I will let everybody in Internet land know how that goes when I get back.

Until next time...

The End is Near

One more week to go.

I don’t have much to say that hasn’t already been said. Part of me is super excited to leave, but then the other part isn’t ready. I have so much stuff left to learn skateboarding wise. After getting hurt, I haven’t really learned anything new on my board. I don’t want to come back home and such, but I am trying not to think like that. Skateboarding is about having fun, right?

I will be leaving with some great new friendships and even greater connections. This experience will be nothing but a positive one. I have learned a lot about myself, a lot about others, and maybe even too much about the real world outside of my political and religious bubble.

I may come back, I am not sure. Right now I just want to enjoy the heck out of my last week. Crappy work schedule and all.

That is all I have to say. I still haven’t taken any pictures. Maybe I will do that today.

Woodward Week 6 (My 4th week).

Warning: This is mainly word vomit... A way for my to get out all the thoughts inside my head. I complain too much and I don't have anything profound to say.

My fourth week of Woodward and I am ready to go home. I can go home at anytime too, but I want to commit to the full 6 weeks, because I think it is the only way to get the full Woodward experience. So far my experience has been one like the high school popularity contest I worked so hard to avoid. Everything here is based on popularity, it isn’t about your passion or commitment, it is all about who you know. I was told that by a long time staff member on the first night that I arrived here as he voiced his frustrations to be, but I didn’t believe him. I didn’t believe that the politics here could be any worse than the politics at Springhill or any of the other places I worked. The only difference is that at the other places I worked I was high up on the food chain and here I am at the bottom. Here, I don’t want to be at the top. I don’t like the way the top treats the bottom. It is like this miniature version of the all the political values I am fighting on the outside. DUMB!

I am still not counseling. I am not sure that I really want to counsel though. For the most part, the counselors here don’t care about the campers lives. Instead, they care about themselves. They don’t spend time with their campers. They are not in it to create positive change in the lives of children. For that reason, I like my pseudo-counselor position more and more. I spend more time with the campers than most of their counselors, and I am very happy to have that role. I find it sad when campers come to me to voice their frustrations with their own counselors and tell me I should be their counselor, but I can’t do anything about it. I can only be happy that they feel comfortable confiding in me. I have no doubt that I can create positive change in the lives of the campers without being a counselor. I don’t need that title. For me, it is a lesson in Humility. I am learning that I am not the humble person I want to be. I have to remember that the last will be first and the first will be last.

Ok, so, I realize after typing this, that it is too much complaining for one post. As always, it is important to point out that I am having tons of fun. If I wasn’t having fun, I would have left a long time ago. I am enjoying skateboarding, hanging out with the campers, and meeting new people from all over the globe. Being here is not a bad thing; it will only impact my life positively.

Still, I feel a bit homesick. I have too much downtime here that I think too much. I need to be kept busy. I am just like a little kid.

Four weeks and a sprained ankle later, I am almost back to the level of skateboarding I was at when I can to camp. There is nothing like a trip to Woodward to de-progress your skateboarding. I think I am going to come out of this experience with a new outlook on skating. I think I almost got to serious about it for a little bit. I just wanted to get better and better and I forgot about having fun. From now on, skateboarding needs to be nothing but fun. I need to lose the Jock mentality.

I am for sure working back at Springhill weeks 8 and 9! I don’t think I have been this excited to go back to that place since I was in middle school. I really have a new appreciation for that place and the way it really tries to honestly fulfill its mission statement.

Campers come again tomorrow. I have the whole day off today, so I plan to rest up and get ready to meet more amazing kids in the morning!

I really need to take pictures.

Woodward Update #3

Saturday shouldn’t be the day I update this thing.

I don’t really like being here on Saturdays. I have never been homesick before in my life, but on Saturdays I get homesick. That is probably just because I have never really been this far away from home for this long of time. Normally I am within a comfortable driving distance from my family. It is weird not having that here. Whenever I see the camper’s parents, I get like jealous. I miss home.

During the week I love it here. I love hanging with the campers and just enjoying all this place has to offer.

I don’t get to counsel again next week, but I am ok with that. I kind-of like to do the pseudo-counselor thing and just hang out with the action sports girls any time I am free. The only thing I lack is the paycheck. But it is just money, and I guess I don’t really need it.

This past week we had an amazing group of female skaters come through. I have never skated with so many good girls in my life; I just wish my ankle wasn’t still jacked so I could have skated harder with them. Still, it is just fun sessioning with girls. They were all just so cool too, all very different personalities, but all very cool. Just a fun group to be around.

We also had this huge group of rollerbladers come in from Detroit. I broke out my rollerblades last night and did some extreme 8-whelling with them. It was such a great time. Definitely one of the highlights of my week. Rollerbladers are always the nicest, most down to earth people around. I wish skateboarders and snowboarders were that cool.

I think I too often forget about the amazing natural scenery that surrounds me out here. I get so consumed by camp that I forget to look out and see the beauty of the mountains all around me. I want to climb one of these mountains before I leave.

I decided to pick up another three weeks, so I am officially half-way done with my time here. I think I will go home after that and maybe try to work a couple weeks at Springhill. I think that would round out my summer really well.

That’s about it, still doing well, just missing home. My ankle is almost healed, so I will hopefully get to start skating hard again in a couple days.

June Second.

The end of my second week of camp leaves me with a feeling of indifference. This next week is my last scheduled week and I am considering asking for more weeks. I thought that I would for sure want to stay here as long as possible, but now I am not so sure. Some of the negative points I outlined in my last post are weighing on me and part of me just wants to go back home and maybe out to Springhill. Still there is that other part of me who is having a really fun time, I get to skate, hang out with kids, make new friends and live at the one and only camp Woodward. I mean, who could complain about that. I will make my decision and talk to the bosses tomorrow. We will see what happens.

Not counseling wasn’t that bad, and that is a blessing, seeing as I am doing it once again this week. I still managed to be a part of the female action sports cabin’s lives and I plan on doing the same thing this week. The free time is nice to. The only bummer is, quite honestly, the lack of counselor paycheck. I really need to make all the money I can while I am here because Tahoe is looking more and more certain. But, I will suck it up and not counsel for another week. I can still make a difference, I just have to do it 100% for the kids and not for me.

Skating wise, I am struggling. I am not learning new stuff like I was hoping I would. I am sort of intimidated by the skill level of the other skaters here. For a while, that really bummed me out, but I think it is helping me realize that I put too much pressure on myself and I need to focus more on just skating for fun. I, like, sprained my ankle on Wednesday and I have been out ever since. That is also a bummer, but it is fun to just hang out here as well.

So yeah, I am having a fun time here, but it isn’t all fun and games like I thought it would be. The good times are really good, and in the bad times I just have to remember how good this job will look on my resume. I am looking forward to this next week, to healing, to becoming even more comfortable here, and enjoying whatever this adventure throws at me next.

Still haven’t taken a single picture… it will happen.

6/25/11

I am officially done with my first week at Camp Woodward. Overall I am having a good time thus far, but I am finding myself surprisingly indifferent to the experience overall. There are definitely things I love about being here. I love hanging out with kids, I love being surrounded by mountains, I love skating and snowboarding a lot, I love skating with other girls, and I love meeting pros and people who can help me to further advance my career, but there are also some things that I find really frustrating. From the moment I arrived at camp, I have felt under instructed, and therefore, underprepared. I keep messing up stupid things that wouldn’t have happened had I been told to do them in the first place. I am also frustrated in that I don’t feel like I am given enough time with my campers to really make an adequate difference in their lives. I don’t really see my campers during the day as everyone just kind-of does their own thing and I am busy working the skate parks. I miss the intensive Springhill atmosphere that forces us to dig deep into the hearts of our campers. I also miss working in an environment that cares just as much about the mental health of its staff as in does its campers. At Springhill I was always being asked how I was doing and feeling, here, I am not asked those questions which I really need to help my process just what I am feeling. Finally, I am frustrated by my fellow staff members at this camp who feel the need to go out and party every chance they get instead of being focused here on building real relationships with the people that surround them. I do not believe that you can be a role model to kids during the day and go out and get drunk every night. That just doesn’t make sense. I believe in leading by example. We are here. Let’s be here.

I am not trying to say I am not having a good time; I really am having a great time. I am just being stretched, which is good.  I mean, come on, I sat on top of a mega ramp today with 7 other people and watched Andy Mac kill it. How many people have experienced that? I just am trying to be the best counselor and role model I can possibly be and it is tricky in this environment, but I will figure it out. The kids are still just kids. My campers this past week ranged in age from 11-19. They were skaters, photographers, videographers, and, let’s be real, boy hunters. Above all, however, they were high school (and a few middle school) aged girls. They all had stories, broken hearts, insecurities and struggles. Kids are the same wherever you go really. I hope that, in the limited time I was with them, I was a positive role model. I hope that I said something that made an impact in their lives. They were great girls. Another struggle I am having is working in a secular camp environment. There were so many times last week when I just wanted to scream YOU NEED JESUS, but I couldn’t. I just need to try to let god’s love overflow so much that they can see it in me and want it.

Overall, I think it was a great week. I think I am enjoying the new challenges and the new environment, and I am sure I will adjust fully soon. This next week I am not counseling, which is a big bummer for me, but I am sure I will be fine. I will be living with my fellow staff members in the lofts and trying to avoid parties and dumb trouble at all costs. I hope to still connect with the female action sports cabin and still work as a role model, even from afar. It will be an interesting week for sure, but I will have a lot more time to skate, which is something I have been struggling with this last week.

This is a great experience and I can’t see where it takes me.

Bragging points of the week: Literally getting run into by Jimmy The Great, getting asked if I was English by Jamie Bestwick, watching Andy Mac pick his nose, Chilling with Chas Ortiz, Snowboarding and hanging out with Elijah Teeter, talking with super nice guy Karl Watson. Can’t wait to see where next week takes me.

No Pictures next week. Didn’t even pull out the camera. Hopefully have some next week!

Off to Camp Woodward.

I am going to try to do weekly updates on my experience at camp, but that may be a little ambitious. 

I still don't seem to know what to do with this thing.

So, to say that nothing significant has happened to me since I went to the SOA/WHINSEC vigil would be a lie. A lot has been going on, but not really anything that has made me want to really sit down and hammer out some eloquent blog.

So what has happened? I completed another wonderful year of snowboarding and another not-so-wonderful year of school. I made new friends, got presented with some awesome opportunities, taken a couple great trips (all over Michigan, Chicago, Pennsylvania, Florida), learned a lot about myself, became even more radical, and turned the ripe age of 21. It has truly been an incredible year.

I am sincerely looking forward to the next year of my life. Just last week I became part of the Smokin' Mad Love family, which is an incredibly exciting thing for me. Smokin' Mad Love is a mainly longboard company out of Grand Haven and they have asked me to rep their product, which I really couldn't be more stoked about. I feel that this will lead to some really amazing adventures. I have also recently accepted a summer job at Camp Woodward! Seriously? How rad is that? For three weeks (but I am hoping for more) I will get to share the stoke of skateboarding and snowboarding with campers from all over the country. I will get to work with kids and skate some of the best skate parks in the country. But really... How rad is that?

I also face a lot of changes in the next year. I have officially made the decision that I will not be going back to school next year. While college has, undoubtedly, made me a more well-rounded, knowledgeable person, it has also, at many times, made me feel numb. I feel like I have spent so much of the past three years of my life writing meaningless papers when I could have been out truly experiencing life and doing something with meaning. It is a heartbreaking experience to have to turn an "at-risk" (I hate that term, but it will do for now) elementary schooler, who wants to do nothing but hang out in the safety of your house, away from your door so that you can go back inside and write the exact same paper that 25 other people are writing. A paper that will be read by one person and than thrown away. I cannot continue to dedicate hours of my life to projects that will not ever be shared, and, honestly, do not deserve to be shared. From this point on, I pledge to only do that which is meaningful. I will not waste any more time... there are more important things I can do with my short time on the planet.

So what is next? What will I do with all my time. Part of me just wants to hang out in the hood. To never leave... My heart bleeds for this hood and I want to be a part of it. I want to help create the feeling of empowerment that only comes with strong community. I truly believe that radical change will be achieved by those in the hood, but only after they wake up and begin to fight the true oppression that they face. As much as I want to stay in the hood, I realize that that would be a mistake. I need to see the world, or maybe just this country, and if I stay here now, I will probably never leave. I need to get out now before it is too late. Those who leave can always come back, but those who stay can't always leave. So I am going.

As of right now, it is looking more and more like I will be heading to Tahoe come fall. I have some really great friends heading out that way, and It seems like too great of an opportunity to pass up. I hope to find a job as a full-time snowboard instructor at one of the 12 resorts that exist out that way, and just snowboard a lot. I plan on only being there in the winter, and returning temporarily in the spring. I just do not want to stay in one place too long. I am not entirely sure how Tahoe will mix with my activism, or even if I will have an opportunity to be an activist at all, but I am interested to see how that plays out in a completely new environment. There is oppression everywhere, unfortunately, I am sure I will find it in Tahoe as well.

In order to make that move, I will be forced to make a lot of sacrifices, which is an unfortunate bummer that I will simply have to deal with. I have never lived far away from my family. I am sure missing my family and friends will be one of the hardest realities of moving out west. I will obviously miss my hood and grand rapids as a whole. I seriously love this city so much. I love knowing every nook and cranny, every tagger, and where to find the best coffee. I have been presented with some awesome opportunities for the next year here in grand rapids as well that I will have to turn down. For one, I have been offered a management position at Pando. That is so awesome, and I would love to accept it and work for one of my favorite places ever, but I just cannot do it. I am also bummed about potentially not going to be able to participate in all the awesome things Smokin' Mad Love will be doing, but hopefully they will still be able to use me wherever I go. Moving is not going to be easy, but I really do need to do it. I refuse to be stuck here forever. I need to free myself now.

So yeah, that is what I have been up to and what I will be up to in the next few months. It is going to be good. When this stuff gets rolling I may be posting more, for better or for worse.

Until next type. (haha, yeah, i just made that up... that is totally going to be my sign-off signature thing.)